Verbatim

Some are a repeat from Facebook, but I like to keep them in a centralized location.

Joan: Hey, Papa! You look like Mr. Potato Head.

Me: Charlotte, why are your hands so cold?

Charlotte: 'Cause. They're naked.

Me: Yes, you can wear that princess dress, but over your real clothes. It's too cold."

Joan: Damnit.

Joan: Momma... the grilled cheese tastes kind of funny... like it had peas in it or something.

(Butter w/ extra virgin olive oil)

Joan: Papa, why aren't you wearing your glasses?

Jude: Because I went to the gym to workout and they'll slide off my face.

Joan: And Momma is wearing her glasses because she stayed home. And when you stay home, you don't really do anything.

Charlotte: Do you remember Gloria? And her pink panties?

Me: Uh... no...

Joan: I'm done playing outside. Can I have the iPad now?

Me: Well, you might have to share it with Charlotte because she's still screaming and probably won't take a nap.
Joan: Well, that's ok. I don't mind if she screams in her bed.