February 12, 2009, we listed our house for sale. I can feel our foolish excitement and the only anxiety within us was more like, Man, what if it sells so quickly and Jude's not finished with school yet... maybe we can move in with the Herr's until the summer...
Jude didn't even have a new job yet. But it didn't matter, we knew God was leading us somewhere else. I guess we just assumed that when the new job offer came in, the house would close shortly - seems like a practical plan that God would approve of, right?
I still don't get why we're here, 3 years later with a For Sale sign still stuck in the front yard (strategically placed above our buried St. Joseph statue). Yeah, yeah - those holier than I would speak up now with their, "God works in mysterious ways - this might not make sense now, but in a few years it probably will," or their, "God teaches us patience, prayer, and faithfulness through life's burdens," or their "Here's an opportunity to offer it up for the souls in purgatory."
The same folks would then remind me that, "It could be so much worse," and that, "Jude has a good job," and that, "You've got a great rental house, though."
Sorry. That kind of stuff works 6 months to maybe a year of waiting. But when you start hitting the 2-3 year mark, you just want the lesson to be gone and the problem solved. All you can seem to mutter in nightly prayer is a mere, "Let it sell and let it be Your will." Forget the whole searching of the soul thingy because it's too cloudy in there from all the disappointment to even see the step before you.
My point is, it doesn't matter why. And spending more energy on that part isn't helping. We've conceded that we may never understand the why. Instead, I can only dwell on the how.
How have we made it this far, three years strong? A faithful God. Generous parents. Supportive friends. A great sense of humor. And a degree from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.
At times I feel cursed and blessed at the same time. But if we have to carry this burden, still yet to be lifted, I am thankful that we're at least in the shape we're in.
This post feels unresolved right now, which is how my life feels at the moment. It feels awkward to end here and since I don't know what else to do, I'll end it like I do before sleep.
Let it sell and let it be Your will.
I mean, c'mon God - we even got rid of Steve Stevens...