What has become of us? We used to be so in love. Remember when we were gonna change the world - make it a better place? What happened?
I know I messed up with the Desitin in the very beginning, but I was young and naive. I thought you had forgiven me. Why do you keep punishing me with your stench and leakiness? Can't we just get past it?
I don't know what else to do to show you that I'm in it for the long run. I've tried, and tried, and tried. The ever changing detergents, experimental washing routines, Dawn stripping sessions for countless hours, and intense scrubbing baths have done us no good. Remember when I even tried to spice it up with calgon and vinegar, you didn't even notice.
I'm not saying we're over. I still want it to work. But you have to meet me half way - you've got to do your part. I think we should just take some time and think about things, maybe see other people for a while.
But I'm serious, if we decide to try it again, and you don't straighten up, you're gone and you can be someone else's problem. I'll talk to you next week. Don't try calling.